The first two of the four borderline behavior patterns are relationship control phobia (RCP) and a distorted self-image. What do these two behavior patterns look like, and do they look similar to your own? Once the behavior patterns have been identified we can show you how these destructive habits can be changed.
The first step in how to counteract harmful behavior patterns is to design your own Positive Affirmation Slogan (PAS) for each of your borderline behavior patterns. The four borderline behavior patterns are; relationship control phobia (RCP), distorted self-image, hypersensitivity to stress, and impulsive gratification. Each PAS you develop allows you to construct new mental images of your behavior and or yourself images that you can then retrieve on demand. In short, PASes are personal positive advertisements for your mind in the presence of negative thoughts.
How to counter relationship control phobia (RCP). The major psychological objective of your PAS for RCP is to encourage trust and love of others so that your close relationships will become less stormy and more satisfying. Your fear is being abused and exploited. You can be jealous and envious of what others have that you do not have. This creates an undertow of anger and resentment that further strains your close relationships. Elements to include in your PAS are acceptance of love, trust as the means to overcome loneliness, your willingness to take a chance, and your resolve not to exploit others or to allow yourself to enter into relationships with those who would exploit you. Some suggested PASes are:
- I can trust without fear.
- Feeling loved fills me with joy.
- I am worthy of being loved.
- All my resentments are fading away.
- Love and trust replace fear and envy.
- I can trust without fear; I can love without envy.
- I can protect myself from harm.
- I am safe. I am secure. I am good.
- I can love without being hurt.
Try your hand at developing your own PAS to counteract relationship control phobia.
How to counter a distorted self-image. The psychological objective of your Self-Image PAS is to overcome feelings of self-hatred and grandiosity. This requires you to accept yourself as you are and unconditionally love and trust yourself. You do not have to be a perfect person to love yourself. Your past, regardless of how bad it was or how awful you were, is gone! Now is the time to find your courage and separate yourself from what you once were. When you look at yourself in the mirror, see someone who you love very much, someone who you trust and want to care for immensely. See the person you can be, allow the person you were to fade away.
Some suggested Positive Affirmation Slogans are:
- I love me.
- I can be real and not pretend.
- I want to soothe and care for me.
- I am real; I love my life.
- My hurtful past is fading away.
- Love is healing my pain.
Use these as models, you will be able to design PASes that work specifically for you.
How and when to use your PAS. Write one PAS from each of your meaningful positive affirmation slogans. Post the ads in places where you will see them frequently. Copy each key PASes on self-sticking notepaper and place them in areas you know you will find them regularly. For example, place one of your PASes on the bottom of your sock drawer, in your car, on the refrigerator– anywhere you will “discover” them daily. Think creatively about how you can surprise yourself with your slogans, and make them a part of your personality.
The more you repeat and interact with your Positive Affirmation Slogans, the more effective they will be. Gradually, your slogans will push aside the negative affirmations you learned as a child. As your destructive memories fade away, it will become easier for you to enjoy healthy relationships, think of yourself as a stable and good person who is able to manage stress without feeling emotionally overwhelmed.
You can accomplish all of this, and it will take energy, focus, and time. So why go through it alone? Connect with a Blue Sky Behavioral Health professional today, and work with someone whose sole purpose is to help you live a healthier life.
To read Part 2 click here: https://blueskyrecovery.com/2021/09/25/how-to-counteract-borderline-behavior-patterns-part-2/